Radio Theater of the Absurd

[Doug Drown]

Clear Channel's two talk stations here in Maine have, for the past couple of
months, been broadcasting hourly traffic reports --- "From the Dunkin'
Donuts Iced Coffee Traffic Desk, this is the Maine Traffic Network report."
(Hey, would I make this up?)

As someone who has lived in Maine for thirty-plus years, I find these so
amusing I chuckle every time I hear them.  WHAT traffic??  As far as I'm
aware, there are exactly four roads in the whole state where one can predict
at-least-somewhat clogged traffic on a more-or-less everyday basis --- the
Maine Turnpike from Portland south, Route 1 from Portland south, I-295 from
Brunswick to Scarborough, and Route 302 from Portland to Windham.  I live in
central Maine; I can get in my car on any given weekday morning, go onto a
numbered state highway, and perhaps drive a half-hour before I meet another
vehicle.

Yes, there are occasional construction hangups.  Yes, Route 1 through
Wiscasset is horrid in the summer.  So are the two bridges in Skowhegan
during State Fair time.  Nevertheless, I can't help but wonder whether some
Clear Channel functionary in San Antonio decided that because major market
CC stations have traffic reports, the stations in Maine have to have them,
too.  It's laughable.

-Doug