FW: Sunscreen Redux

[Roger Kirk <rkirk@VideoServer.com>]

> Ladies and gentlemen of the radio industry of 1999: Legal ID.
> 
> If I could offer you only one tip for your airshift,
> The Legal ID would be it.
> The hourly use of the legal ID is mandated by the Federal Communications
> Commission, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more
> reliable than this morning's issue of Inside Radio.
> I will dispense this advice, after this stopset.
> 
> Enjoy the power and beauty of your airshift.
> Never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your
> airshift until you're doing overnights in Amarillo.
> But trust me, in 20 years you'll listen to old airchecks of yourself and
> recall in a way you can't grasp now how many remotes lay before you,
> and how many single women called you on the request line.
> 
> Your management is not as incompetent as you imagine.
> 
> Don't worry about being fired.
> Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to serve a
> major market with a kilowatt daytimer in a cow pasture.
> The real end to your airshift is something that never crosses your mind,
> like the PD announcing a format change at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
> 
> Say one thing on the air every day that scares your GM.
> 
> Sing (your jingles)
> 
> Don't be reckless with other jocks' headphones.
> Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
> 
> Cue.
> 
> Don't waste your time on Trends.
> Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
> The book is long, and in the end corporate will change your format
> anyway.
> 
> Remember Marconis you receive, forget the license challenges.
> If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
> 
> Keep your old custom jingles, throw away your old Arbitrons.
> 
> Backtime.
> 
> Don't feel guilty if you don't know what market you want to work in. The
> most interesting jocks I know didn't know at 22 what station they wanted
> to waste their lives at. Some of the most interesting 40 year old jocks I
> know still can't hold a job.
> 
> Get plenty of Jolt.
> 
> Be kind to your ears, you'll miss them when they're gone.
> 
> Maybe you'll have a good book, maybe you won't.
> Maybe you'll get the morning shift, maybe you won't.
> Maybe you'll pull a share of 40, maybe your station will be bought
> by Capstar on its 75th anniversary.
> Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate
> yourself either. Your ratings are half chance, so are everybody
> else's.
> 
> Enjoy your microphone, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of
> it, or what other jocks think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll
> ever own.
> 
> Hit the post,
> even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own car.
> 
> Read the EAS tests -- even if you don't follow them.
> Do not listen to voicetracked stations -- they will only make you bored.
> 
> Get to know your GM - you never know when he'll be gone for good.
> Be nice to your engineers -- they're your best link to the past,
> and the people most likely to get you back on the air at 3AM in the
> future.
> 
> Understand that PDs come and go,
> but for the precious few you should hold on.
> Work hard to put together a killer tape of your best bits, because
> the older you get, the more you need the PDs who knew you when your
> stuff was still fresh.
> 
> Work at a CHR station once, but leave before it makes you talk too fast.
> Work at a soft AC once, but leave before it makes you talk too slow.
> 
> Aircheck.
> 
> Accept certain inalienable truths: station prices will rise, sales
> managers will philander, you too will get older -- and when
> you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, station prices
> were reasonable, sales managers were honest, and stations respected the
> listener.
> 
> Respect your listeners.
> 
> Don't expect anyone else to run your board.
> Maybe you'll have automation,
> maybe you'll have a 7 minute song,
> but you never know when either might run out.
> 
> Don't mess too much with your voice,
> or by the time you're 40, you'll sound like Wolfman Jack.
> 
> Be careful which consultant's advice you buy, but be patient with
> the consultant who supplies it.
> 
> Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a form of pulling a 70s
> hit off the shelf, setting it to a dance beat, getting Puffy Combs to
> produce it, and putting it back into A rotation until it burns out
> again.
> 
> But trust me on the legal IDs.
> ==============================
> (if you forward, please leave this credit atttached)
> Written by Clarke Ingram at WPXY and Scott Fybush,
> a reporter a Time-Warner's cable news operation, in Rochester.
> 

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