Good Morning, Dumpsters...

["Bill O'Neill" <billo@shoreham.net>]

A follow up to Ken Squier on WDEV AM/FM this morning.  He opens with a
bit on "box lunch socials" and how he is honored to be auctioned off,
where you "go with a lunch, sit on a blanket" with the winner.  "Welcome
to program number 3,254, dumpsters..."  "...first musical selection..."
and goes with Ray Stevens "Guitar-zan."  He stays with his demo by
talking about auto racing (Daimler Chrysler 400 that would air there
later) and then onto a story.

"One of the dumpsters wanted this on the program."  He later reveals him
to be "Dumpster Cuthbert."  Tells a man and woman skier story about
being stuck in a very cold situation.  The woman has a call of nature.
Wearing an all white "camouflage" moves to the edge and drops her
britches when her skis on which she is still standing begin to move her
backward onto the slope.  Skiing backward out of control, onto another
slope, "there she was with her back side exposed, totally out of
control, an unusual vista."  In his paced, dry cadence, Skwier relates
how "She she collided violently with a piling, breaking her arm, unable
to pull up her britches."  Her husband finally arrives to help with that
problem (after others had arrived.)  Later, in the emergency room, she
asks another patient how he broke his leg.  He explains to her that he
was distracted by a skier making her way down the slope backwards with
her backside exposed, and he leaned too far out of the ski lift and fell
to the ground breaking his leg.  He asked her, "Why are you in here?"

Another bit on the "Irish Sweepstakes of Vermont" is "Ice-Out at Joe's
Pond."  He gets "Joe" on the phone to discuss how Ice-Out is going.
Talk of another great Vermont event, winter croquet, that involves a
rotating WDEV trophy, "a large steel wheel that spins with a motor and
plays 'Oh Holy Night.'"  The trophy was with Engine 3, Waterbury Center
Fire Department, and has not been returned to neutral territory by
January 31st.  Investigation by "trophy inspectors will ensue."

He fires up a song he says is dating back 75 years to the early days of
WDEV with a band that used to perform at the station daily from 12:45 to
1:00. "Since they Stole the Spitoon at the Corner Saloon."  He then
plays a song performed by musicians using entirely hand saws of every
description and other barn implements.

Skwier presents "Farmer Dave" in the studio, "Our gubernatorial
candidate of the Undecided Cow Party."  Farmer Dave (replete with
genuine Vermont accent) boasts how he's been duck taping windows for
years now "to keep the windows from rattlin'."  He went through a period
of cussin' and his Mom became his bio-hazard with the soap to "wipe the
smart right out of the mouth."  He says, "I couldn't enjoy my favorite
meal while blowing bubbles."  HOmeland Security.  Nobody's doing
something for the homeless.  "The Cow Party has come up with a device, a
30 gallon white trash back with a sinch sack on it.  First sign of a
terrorist attack, shake if full of air and then pull it over your head
and tie that sinch sack tight.  Good in a car, and you get about three
hours worth of air... This may seem silly, but I don't think it's any
sillier than duck tape."  "White trash bag for white trash."

Our reporter from the world of true adventure, Dana Jewel, on ice
fishing.  (Reports how he "caught a perch and three smelt" on Lake
Champlain and describes Ice Fishing, "for those of you who want to live
right out there with the X-Games...."

"Oh, gosh, we've got to leave you for this morning.  Next weekend, we'll
be live at Rusty Parker Memorial Park.  If we can get our rotating
trophy back from the Waterbury Center Fire Department."

Bill O'Neill