Dan Ratherisms

[Mike Thomas <nostatic@earthlink.net>]

A friend of mine sent me this list of actual things said by Dan Rather
during CBS's election night coverage on Tuesday.  You have to wonder if
it's time for the guy to hang it up....

"He swept through the South like a tornado through a trailer park"
"Don't bet the trailer money yet"
"It's too early to say he has the whip hand"
"(in a previous election) they counted the votes until the cows had
literally gone to sleep"
"It's a ding dong battle back and forth"
"(chances are slim or none) If he doesn't carry Florida Slim will have
left
town"
"If a frog had side pockets, he'd carry a hand gun"
 "They both have champagne on ice, but after the night is over, they
might
need a pick axe to open them"
"This race is tight like a too small bathing suit on a too long ride
home
from the beach"
"The big burrito out there in California (referring to electoral votes)"

"It's about as complicated as a wiring diagram to some dynamo"
"Only votes talk - everything else walks"
"This will show you how tight it is - it's spandex tight"
"We're going to go to some of those long necks from along time ago"
"He's going to find that people will hang on him like a coat rack"
"This election swings like one of those pendulum things"
"What we know is that there will be no decision until some of those
races
are decided"
"Al Gore has his back to the wall, shirt tails on fire with this race in

Florida"
calls Bob Schaefer "Deputy Dog"
uses the phrases "dead man walking" and "he crossed the river" about the

late Carnahan
"You talk about a ding-dong, knock-down, get-up race"
 "When it comes to a race like this, I'm a long distance runner and an
all
day hunter"
"It's the American way: if you don't vote, you don't get to whine"
"Smelling salts for all Democrats please"
 "...in Austin, between the 10 gallon hats and the Willie Nelson head
bands"
 "...none of this television mumbo jumbo, let's get in there and count
the
votes"
 "Maybe you (tossing to a reporter) can bring some perspective on this,
we're plum out"
 "When the going gets weird, anchor men punt"
"Tipper is probably telling her husband to hook a u, go back to the
house to
get a recount"
"It doesn't matter if you're a Democrat, Republican or a mugwump,
elected
officials play it straight"
"Florida is the whole deal, the real deal, a big deal"
 "Frankly we don't know whether to wind the watch or to bark at the
moon"
"The contest was tighter than rusted lug nuts on a '55 Ford."